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Sex Talk: Before you throw in the towel...

There is a couple in Kampala with a vibe I admire, especially considering that they are middle-aged.

But hee, this couple has discovered what makes their marriage tick, and they are consuming that by big spoonfuls. Now empty-nesters, they, like other married couples, have been through their ups and downs: the wife feeling underappreciated despite pouring all her wisdom and energy into the family and marriage; the husband refusing to stop ‘sowing his wild oats’; the wife falling into a depression so deep, she tried to eat her way out of that darkness and instead introduced obesity...

“We didn’t go for counselling or therapy, but one day as we considered divorce we just decided to be brutally honest with each other, to understand why we were unhappy, not making love anymore, yet we were obviously still in love with each other,” the wife, requesting anonymity, shared.

During their open communication, the husband said his wife had lost her spark and had changed emotionally, physically and intimately; he did not find her good company anymore.

“But how could I be the same person when he was openly unfaithful to me, I was increasingly feeling like a single mother, and I worked too hard at home and at work?!” she reportedly countered during their unmediated peace talks.

They discussed what had happened to their social lives; they rarely went on dates, save for the occasional wedding or burial, yet they had been quite the party animals when they first got married. The husband had stayed the life of the party, while his wife had withdrawn into a shell as his parties got wilder. Naturally, their shared sex life flew out the window and in came resentment and anger.

When the couple had fully vented,  including details about their sex life and its unhealthy doses, they erased everything and agreed to go back to the drawing board and decide what they could try and fix immediately, seeing as they were on the verge of divorce  First things first; they took out gym membership together and as they lost the extra weight, they felt healthier, gained confidence and found their way back into each other’s arms.

This is not your average, poor couple; so, as the harmony returned to their marriage, they were inspired to fight harder. With the last of their three children moving out, this couple started to ‘eat their money’ again.

“We decided not to rejoin the old party circles, because of the toxicity there from our past; instead, we decided to rediscover the fun couple we once were, making new friends along the way,” the wife said.

Now they will spend this weekend in Cairo and a few months down the road they are off to see Southeast Asia, then Cape Town...They have also decided that madam has cooked enough and now explore Uganda’s culinary scene in the name of date nights and reserve the elaborate cooking for Sundays and special holidays, “just to allow me a break”.

And strangely, despite the fact that they met 26 years ago, they both feel they are finally living their best years financially, sexually, spiritually and socially.

Some may find it unfathomable that sex as a couple grows older may be richer and more enjoyable than what they shared when they were younger and driven by performance anxiety and unnecessary competition with unseen forces; well, this couple is testament to this.

The wife is glowing like a well-loved woman, and you would balk at her husband’s age, because of how much a picture of health a youthfulness he is. Anyway, your marriage is not a gone case. Yet. If you want to, you too can fight and turn things around within your budget and means.

caronakazibwe@gmail.com

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